It's haraam
by comebacktomine
Summary: My first fanfic. Adore the Eastenders Characters Syed and Christian. Wanted to write my own take on what happened the day Syed finally couldn't hold his feelings back any longer!


He watched in silent, confused adoration at the sun reflecting in Christian's green eyes as he stood, chatting to a group of attentive women admirers. Observed longingly, the strong tilt of his jaw as he threw back his head and laughed, the unashamed, deep, sensuous laugh of a man who knew exactly what he was and who carried it proudly wherever he went. Everything about Christian Clarke exuded confidence and latent sexuality. God, it was almost tangible. Syed knew he'd been gazing too long at the object of his desire and reluctantly tore his eyes away. He fumbled around stirring pots and lifting lids, pretending to be pre occupied with the lunch buffet but all the time, so aware of the close proximity of the older man. What was that cologne he wore? Damn it! It seemed to seep into everything and he could never be free of the smell of him, the delicious, decadent haze of masculine perfume that hung around Christian like an invisible mist. Syed's heart beat a little more erratically as his friend sauntered across to him, their arms briefly touching with the merest contact. "Cheer up Sy" he purred. "We've gotta keep the ladies happy!" "You seem to be doing a grand job all by yourself" the younger man flushed turning his eyes downward coyly to avoid eye contact. "If only they knew darling, if only they knew!" Christian laughed and he was gone again, threading his way in and out of the crowd with a tray of Indian snacks. A slight inaudible sigh escaped Syed's lips. He could only stand in wonder of Christian and harbour an inner reverence for his effortless confidence, the way he could interact with anyone without prejudice or judgment, the way he loved to flirt outrageously with both sexes but was unashamedly and openly homosexual and not afraid to admit it. He could easily distinguish Christian among the guests. He stuck out as some god- like exotic creature among a room full of mere mortals, the contoured muscles of his perfect herculean body taught against the white silk of his shirt. Syed felt eclipsed by him in every way. He looked down at his own slight frame and noticed his hands were shaking a little, beads of perspiration beginning to form on his forehead. How long he had felt like this for the colleague his mother barely tolerated, but for whom he secretly longed, he couldn't tell. It had been an instant attraction which now bordered on unhealthy obsession and he couldn't make it go away.

The luncheon was busy and soon the diners began to file out of the hall, leaving behind only the catering staff, Syed's mother and her friend Bushra. The large glamorous lady in the pink sari was overheard congratulating Zainab on the quality of service and delicious food. This brought a smile of satisfaction to her lips as a compliment from Bushra was praise indeed. Syed was busy clearing plates when he heard a conversation between Christian and his mother's friend. "You were a big hit with the ladies today" the older woman purred. "Well you know, we aim to please" he drawled in that voice which was always laced with sex. "Zainab tells me you are not married!" "I am surprised" Syed squirmed. He knew what was coming and there was no way he could prevent it. "Well" Christian sighed, "You know I just haven't met the right bloke yet…" His eyes were playful and mischevious but bore no malice. The room became noticeably silent. Syed shuffled nervously in the corner, aware of a sudden frosty atmosphere. The older woman who had been so complimentary moments ago murmured "your poor mother", gave a snort of utter disapproval and turned on her heels to leave, Zainab trotting alongside her and trying to placate her in Punjabi. When his mother returned, she marched straight up to a bemused Christian and spat " Why do you have to be so bloody…..…so out and proud all the time!" "Because that's who I am Zee!" he exclaimed "and it's nothing to be ashamed of!" "That's a matter of opinion!" she returned, curling her lip in her customary fashion. For the first time in their short acquaintance, Syed could see that the older man was riled. Suddenly, gone was the jovial manner, the relaxed shoulders and witty banter. Christian's voice almost contained a note of desperation now and his jaw was tight with anger. He swung round to face his young friend. "What about you Sy?" Syed shook his head and tried to continue stacking dishes. But Christian wasn't having any of it. In a moment they were face to face, green eyes boring into him, with a look of almost pleading in them. "Are you so against what I stand for too?" "Don't drag me into this!" Syed pleaded. "I need to hear what you think?" Christian persisted. "Please Christian don't….." "Why not, we're mates aren't we?" "We have to work together every day." "I at least deserve to know if you've got some kind of homophobic prejudice against me too?" "Just leave it will you"! Syed blurted, blushing under the scrutinizing gaze of the handsome man before him, his heart dancing wildly at the feel of his breath on his face. "Just tell me Sy!". There again was that note of desperation. Syed's heart felt a mixture of pain and guilt. He hated seeing this strong, confident man reduced to begging for approval and knew in his own mind that he was no different, only too cowardly to admit what he was and therefore living a lie. It suddenly became unbearable, especially with the weight of his own guilt so heavy on his shoulders. Syed knew that as a Muslim, homosexuality was strictly forbidden and condemned as an evil sin. He had fought so hard to conceal what he was from his family, to keep up the pretence and to try and be a good Muslim son and follow the teachings of the Q'ran. And here was this man before him, who had just sauntered into his life one day and threatened to bring down his fragile wall of respectability with a single glance from those languid green eyes. "It's….. it's….. HARAAM!" he shouted, a self loathing anger flooding his being as he tore himself away from the scene and walked towards the exit. "What the hell does that mean?" he heard Christian demanding. Syed felt his mother scrutinizing him and he was suddenly afraid that he was transparent. He walked back into the room and spoke to the older man through gritted teeth "It's against God's will!..."

The journey back to the unit was unbearable. Christian drove the works vehicle, Zainab next to him in frosty silence. Syed sat uncomfortably in the back with boxes of cutlery and serviettes. He felt utterly miserable. Occasionally they would make eye contact in the rear view mirror and it was clear that Christian still raged with anger toward his young friend. Syed found himself transfixed by the hands that drove the steering wheel and occasionally changed gear. They were the most beautiful hands he had ever seen and he was fascinated by them. The fingers were long and elegant and the nails beautifully shaped. They weren't feminine hands but neither were they oafish, just strong looking and utterly exquisite. He couldn't help but imagine those hands on his face, trailing down his body and he let out an involuntary shudder. "Are you alright pappoo?" his mother trilled softly. "Yes, just tired" he lied. Christian shot him a look of momentary concern then returned to glowering. "Christian can finish up when we get back can't you" she stated rather than asked. "Oh sure" the older man bit sardonically. "Gotta do my penance for telling your friend that I'm gay!" "Look" Syed began nervously. " We've all got to work together and get along so I suggest we drop this now ok?" "Suits me" came the unconvincing reply. "I've spent enough of my life on the receiving end of jibes about my sexuality and I don't expect to have to suffer it in the workplace! "No….. we appreciate that don't we mum?" Syed interjected. Zainab snorted through her nose and continued to look out of a window. "I'll… er stay and help you finish up" the younger man said as kindly and sympathetically as he could. He had hurt Christian and it pained him greatly. He needed some time alone with him to try and make amends. "Suit yourself" Christian bit with undisguised hostility. Back at the unit, Zainab tried to urge her son to leave and get some rest at home but he was resolute. "Christian is a share holder in this business," he said truthfully, not to mention one of the best chefs we have." "It does not make good business sense to get on the wrong side of him!" "Neither does it make for a good working atmosphere"." Besides which, Amira is very fond of him and I …" he realized he had to choose his words carefully "I can see that despite everything, he is a nice bloke and he's been a good friend to me". "Papoo, you were always the kind and gentle one" his mother soothed, using her pet name for him again. "You always did champion the underdogs and the misfits at school". "I'm so proud of you" she sighed. "Let me talk to him" Syed continued. "I'm sure I can smooth it over" With Zainab placated and on her way home, Syed took a deep breath as he prepared to lock horns with Christian who was slamming around in the kitchen, making a terrible noise by throwing pots and pans onto shelves in an attempt to vent his anger. Syed stood and regarded him silently. "Do you mind telling me what all that was about back there ?" Christian suddenly demanded. "I thought you and me were mates?" "We are" Syed said nervously, his mouth becoming dry. "Then why did you stand there today and let them attack me and everything I stand for?" he exclaimed moving very close. "I don't get you Syed" he was suddenly saying, his striking face only an inch away. In that instant, Syed felt totally exposed, as if Christian had somehow seen a window into his soul. It was an unbearably tense moment with the heat between them almost tangible. Syed tore his eyes away from Christian's, his heart pounding with emotion. He stepped back but his arm was grabbed and he was pulled in to face the angry man before him. "Cos this isn't just about religion is it Sy!" his friend almost whispered. The beautiful hand was still on Syed's arm and he could feel an almost electric current passing between them. It was too much to resist. Christian was a little taller than Syed and his soft, pouting mouth was just inches away. In a wild moment of lost control, Syed edged his face closer to those inviting lips and placed a naïve and sweet kiss upon them. As if a floodgate of emotion were suddenly opened, Christian grasped him in his arms and began kissing him with a force and passion he had never experienced. Syed's mind and body were taken over by the full force of his repressed lust and desire for the older man and he found himself reciprocating kiss for kiss, touch for touch. His hand snaked around Christian's strong neck and he moaned when he felt his friend's hard, surrendered body pressing into him. It was wild and totally abandoned and it took the young Asian into realms of ecstasy that he had never dreamed were possible. Their bodies were a fusion of limbs and movement in perfect unison, each seeming to instinctively know the others needs and when it was over, they lay gasping for breath on the floor, eyes locked together and hands entwined.

As he lay in his own bed that night, Syed played the entire scene over and over in his mind and his pulse throbbed with excitement. Christian was amazing, everything he had fantasized about and more. He was as expert a lover as he portrayed himself to be. And even more remarkably, he had confessed to being deeply attracted to Syed from the first time they met and kept whispering over and over against his lips how beautiful he was. Syed had never thought of himself as anything but a skinny Asian kid with a mop of unruly dark hair that could never look tidy. Men had come on to him before but never like this and never with such passionate intensity. He replayed Christian's words repeatedly in his head "You are the most beautiful thing I have ever seen Syed" and re lived every touch, every sigh, every caress until he ached to be with him again. He closed his eyes and imagined those hands delicately trailing over his body, softly and sensuously caressing every inch of his body and the soft growling voice in his ear telling him how his skin glowed and how his eyes were the sexiest he'd ever seen. " Eyes Like warm brandy that I just wanna keep drinking in" he'd sighed, holding Syed's face in those sculpted hands. It was a revelation to Syed and his confidence was soaring. To know that he had such an effect on a man like Christian Clarke was mind blowing. A man who could have anyone he chose, male or female, but who had developed a deep attraction for him was a staggering revelation. It was hours before sleep finally claimed Syed and when he awoke the next morning, the world had suddenly become a much brighter and lovely place…..


End file.
